Brochure Text - Urgent

[BobT]

We have an urgent need for text for a brochure.  The following text has been through an informal consensuswith five of our committee members, as well as the Outreach committee, all subject to a final draft consensus editing.  Our goal is to approve this as the media committee and present it no later than Wednesday to
the GA.  PLease be efficient with your comments.

UPDATE 9:30 PM 10/16.  There was urgent need for brochures for an action tomorrow.
Media committee did final edit at GA breakouts and submitted final draft which was
approved at GA.  If there are any objections, amendments can be submitted at media
committee meetings for approval by GA.

FINAL DRAFT:

Do you know what Occupy Nashville is?

Occupy Nashville is a citizen-led movement defending democracy from corporate money and corruption. It is a movement to return the power to make decisions to the hands of the people and out of the hands of the wealthiest corporations. The movement first began in New York City as Occupy Wall Street. Occupations have since sprung up in Nashville and in hundreds of major cities around the world.

The primary goals of Occupy Nashville are:

1)End corporate personhood
2)Remove money from politics
3)Support the Occupy Wall Street movement*

There has been media criticism concerning the leaderless nature of the movement, claiming that we do not have a focused goal. First, the movement is about educating the public on the issues threatening Democracy. This movement is filled with dedicated and informed people from all walks of life*who share a desire for a better future. We understand the problems of government and society are complex and require careful thought and creative solutions. Our current political system is incapable of addressing these issues because of the influence of corporations and their lobbyists.*This current political culture impedes true Democracy: a government by the people and for the people.

We are intentionally leaderless.  We are building and demonstrating direct democracy. Organization is achieved through volunteers who dedicate their time and energy to make our world a better place.*

This will be a difficult and long battle because of unacceptable Supreme Court decisions that equate money with*free speech, and grant unlimited rights to corporations to engage in political speech.  Corporations are not people, and should not be afforded the same rights as people.

We are the defenders of Democracy. We are the 99%.

http://www.OccupyNashville.org

General Assembly meetings are held at Legislative Plaza, 6th and Union.
MON-FRI 7 PM   SAT-SUN 1 PM   Everyone is invited.




UPDATE 5:00 PM 10/16:  THE FOLLOWING OS A SECOND DRAFT THAT CONSOLIDATES
COMMENTS THUS FAR EXCEPT FOR GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING COMMENTS...LETS HOLD
THOSE FOR AFTER LANGUAGE APPROVAL AND BEFORE USE.

Second draft text is:

Do you know what Occupy Nashville is?

Occupy Nashville is a citizen-led movement defending democracy from corporate money andcorruption. It is a movement to return the power to make decisions to the hands of the
people and out of the hands of the wealthiest corporations. The movement first began in
New York City as Occupy Wall Street. Satellite occupations then sprang up around the
nation in every major city, including Nashville, and across the world.*

The primary goals of Occupy Nashville are:

1)End corporate personhood
2)Remove money from politics
3)Support the Occupy Wall Street movement*

There has been media criticism concerning the leaderless nature of the movement,
insinuating that we do not have a focused goal. The movement is first about focusing
the public's awareness on what the problems are. This movement is filled with dedicated
and informed people from all walks of life*who share an ambition for a better future.
We understand the problems of government and society are complex and require careful
thought and creative solutions. But our current political system is incapable of addressing
these issues because of the influence of corporations and their lobbyists.*This current
political culture impedes true Democracy: a government by the people and for the people.

We are intentionally leaderless.  We are building and demonstrating a democracy without
elite, with the power to create change in the hands of those who take action. Organization
is achieved through volunteers who dedicate their time and energy to make our world a
better place.*

This will be a difficult and long battle because of unacceptable Supreme Court decisions that equate money with*free speech, and grant unlimited rights to corporations to engage in
political speech. The only way to*address these issues now is to remove Constitutional
rights to political speech from corporations (ending corporate personhood). This can only
be achieved through a constitutional amendment.

We are the defenders of Democracy. We are the 99%.







The first draft text is:

HAVE YOU HEARD OF OCCUPY NASHVILLE?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

Occupy Nashville is a citizen led movement defending Democracy against Corporate money and corruption inour government.  The movement first began in New York City as Occupy Wall Street.  Satellite occupations sprang up spontaneously around the nation, including Nashville.

The primary goals of Occupy Nashville are:

1)To support the Occupy Wall Street movement.
2)To take steps to remove the influence of money in politics.
3)To remove Constitutional rights from corporations.  

There has been much talk in the media about the leaderless nature of the movement, and that it does not
have a focused goal.  The movement is first about focusing the publics awareness on what the problems areThe movement is filled with young educated people, with ambition for a better future.  they understand the problems of government and society are complex, and require careful thought to address.  But our current
political system is incapable of addressing them because of the corporate influence that pervades the
Washington D.C. political culture.

This will be a difficult and long battle because of corrupt Supreme Court decisions that equated money with
free speech, and granted unlimited rights to corporations to engage in political speech.  The only way to
address these issues now is by first removing Constitutional Rights of free speech from corporations, which means ending the concept of corporate personhood, and can only be accomplished through a Constitutional
Amendment.

We are the defenders of Democracy.  We are the 99%.

[FruitJelly]

3)To remove Constitutional rights from corporations.

Ummm..  lol.  /rewording: Corporate Person hood.

[BobT]

Suggested wording? Is "End corporate personhood" as #3 sufficient?  was concerned that average folks may not have a clue about
corporate personhood...but maybe it will get them curious.  We probably need a supplemental brochure about corporate
personhood.

[MmmBeefy]

A short list of concrete, proposed actions that an individual citizen can take might be a useful addendum to this, ex., moving your money to a local bank/credit union (maybe with a link to the Move Your Money project), buying local whenever possible, asking them to write their elected officials in support of specific legislation such as the Prudent Banking Act as an intermediary first step.  People like stuff that's more immediately actionable, the longer term goal of a constitutional amendment regarding corporate personhood is an excellent end goal, but getting there is going to require these intermediary steps by a large mass of individual citizens.

[Liz]

A short list of concrete, proposed actions that an individual citizen can take

I strongly disagree about O.N. proposing actions as a group. We all seem to agree on the problem: too much corporate power/influence in politics. But disagreements arise as to how to solve that problem. And, although there are lots of great ideas and resources, I don't think it's our job, as a group, to solve the problem. But OWS/Together SURE is good at getting dialogues started! Yay!:D  Maybe we should just stick with that.

---------- Post added at 11:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:14 PM ----------

Oh... on #3, maybe "End Corporate Personhood" is sufficient in the list, but it might need a footnote. Perhaps a brief sentence or three about the Citizens United decision and how it gives any one corporation the financial power to drown out the voices of millions of Americans... or something like that.

Glad to see people here sharing resources, though. The more the better, and the more varied the better, I think.

[BobT]

I did ask the outreach committee to provide some simple action items.  This is intended as a simple first introduction...so action items would include simple first steps like joining the website, come to the plaza...getting further education.  Other materials will be developed such as explaining the court decisions, personhood, etc...

[TNJED]

bob - good job.  your consensus B approves.  the only thing i would like to see included, which is certainly not neccessary and maybe to "thick" to get across is some language re: corporations' power over the shaping of public policy.  regardless, i would back this pretty much as is.

[Shire]

I agree - not everyone knows what "corporate personhood is" -- I like "removing constitutional rights from corporations". Maybe adding after that, "that equate money with free speech and corporations will full people." or something...

As I would edit the brochure (and this is including the edits I received via e-mail in the media group), it reads:



Do you know what Occupy Nashville is?

Occupy Nashville is a citizen-led movement with the intent of defending grassroots democracy from corporate money and corruption. It is a movement to keep the power to make decisions in the hands of the people and out of the hands of the wealthiest corporations. The movement first began in New York City as Occupy Wall Street. Satellite occupations then sprang up around the nation in every major city, including Nashville, and across the world in over 1000 cities on every continent except Antarctica.

The primary goals of Occupy Nashville are:

1)To support the Occupy Wall Street movement and other occupations around the globe.
2)To take steps to remove the influence of corporate money in politics.
3)To remove constitutional rights from corporations (often called "corporate personhood", which equates money with free speech and corporations with natural persons).

There has been media criticism concerning the leaderless nature of the movement, insinuating that we do not have a focused goal. The movement is first about focusing the public's awareness on what the problems are. This movement is filled with dedicated and informed people from all walks of life who share an ambition for a better future. We understand the problems of government and society are complex and require careful thought and creative solutions. But our current political system is incapable of addressing these issues because of the influence and wielded power of corporations  that pervades the American political culture and blocks the possibility of true democracy -- a government by the people and for the people.

As for our organization, we are leaderless by intention -- we are learning and demonstrating a democracy without elite, with the power to create change in the hands of those who take action. Organization is achieved through volunteers, through those who dedicate their time and energy to make our world a better place.

This will be a difficult and long battle because of unacceptable Supreme Court decisions that equate money with free speech, and grant unlimited rights to corporations to engage in political speech. The only way to address these issues now is to remove constitutional rights to free speech from corporations (ending corporate personhood). This can only be achieved through a constitutional amendment.

We are not anti-business. We are anti-corruption.

We are the defenders of Democracy. We are the 99%.



Eric noted that one of the paragraphs mentioned criticism for being leaderless, but never actually addressed it. This version fixes that. He also wanted to change the word "corrupt" in reference to the Supreme Court decisions, reasoning being that there are arguments in support of it. Reasoning that 99% of us would probably disagree with, but reasoning nonetheless. He proposed that we use the word "unacceptable", "hateful", or something about it not representing the values or will of the people. instead. I, personally, chose the former to include in this edit. He also noted the excessive use of capital letters and a few grammar mistakes. I tried to fix those in this edit, but there are still a few iffy ones.

Bob suggested that we make the headline one question: Do you know what Occupy Nashville is? This makes it more succinct and grabs more attention without giving up any of what we are trying to address in the body of the text. He also wanted to change "educated young people" to "informed people from all walks of life". I added "dedicated".


Feel free to fix or further edit. These are just my suggestions.

---------- Post added at 12:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:21 AM ----------

There was a request to take out "We are not anti-business. We are anti-corruption."

So keep in mind that will be removed from the final draft.

[Kay]

Great work, y'all. Thanks for posting this and inviting feedback.

In my opinion, Elli's edited version is close to perfect. I'm trying to read it from the perspective of someone who knows little or nothing about the issues we're trying to address. And who isn't going to read a lot of print (99% of the population).  Here are my suggestions based on that perspective:

1. An even shorter title:  What Is Occupy Nashville?

2. Is our #1 goal really to support #OWS?  I don't think so. Most Nashvillians aren't interested in "supporting" #OWS ... though they might be interested in something like "To stand up for real democracy in partnership with millions of ordinary people around the globe."  (I personally like the word "solidarity" better than "partnership," but it's a red-flag word in these parts.)

3. Liz's language about how the Citizen's United decision gives corporations "the financial power to drown out the voices of millions of Americans" is easier to understand than the #3 goal as it's currently stated. Might just be able to rephrase that goal in a simpler way. Something like, "To end 'corporate personhood' (the result of a recent Supreme Court decision that gives corporations the right to secretly give unlimited amounts of money to politicians and political candidates, thus drowning out the voices of millions of Americans)."  Something even simpler and shorter than that would be better.

4. I suggest we not remove "We are not anti-business. We are anti-corruption."  Is the problem with the first part of that statement, or the last part?  Perception is everything in this work, and right now lots of people perceive that we are anti-business.  How about "We are not anti-business. We are pro-democracy."?  Or "We are not anti-business. We are anti-government-by-corporations."?  Or ...   (I also suggest that we put that statement somewhere close to the top/beginning of the brochure, or somewhere very visible. It addresses one of our major hurdles.)

Last thing: the narrative parts of the brochure are beautifully written, but will only be accessible to those among the the well-educated who have time and inclination to read all the way through them!  Any bits that can be made more succinct will be more likely to get through to our busy intelligentsia.  Another version written at about a 3rd grade reading level would be wise for widespread distribution.  I know an elementary-school librarian and reading specialist who might be willing to work on this, if you like -- and school is out for fall break this week, so she might have time!

[FruitJelly]

Corporations have no body and soul, but neither do the Sierra Club, Stanford University, and the Catholic Church. Each is an “association or aggregation of people,” a way for individuals to exercise their own individual rights to free speech in group form. And individuals retain their constitutional rights regardless of what “particular form a collective happens to take,” and regardless of whether these individuals are seeking to make a profit.  It's not Corporate person-hood that is the problem with our society.  It's the influence of MONEY in the GOVERNMENT.  A very very simple fix is to put a cap on the amount of money an individual can contribute to a campaign..  PROBLEM SOLVED.

[BobT]

The second draft consolidating comments is edited into the first post in the thread....ANYTHING AFTER THIS POST PLEASE BE A COMMENT ON THE SECOND DRAFT OR APPROVAL OF.

[Eliz77]

This is my compilation of group edits and suggestions for lay out. I shortened and placed strategically several of the ideas. I put "We are not anti-business. We are pro-democracy." right after the statement of goals. I took out the hierarchy of numbers in the goals and replaced with bullets. [Sorry about the bullet word, but that is what they are.]
I separated some thoughts in a paragraph to make them easier to grasp. This edit contains 286 words. love, Eliz

WHAT IT IS OCCUPY NASHVILLE?

Occupy Nashville is a citizen led movement defending Democracy against Corporate money and corruption in our government. The movement first began in New York City as Occupy Wall Street. Satellite occupations sprang up spontaneously around the nation, including Nashville.

The primary goals of Occupy Nashville are:

• To stand up for real democracy in partnership with millions of ordinary people around the globe.".
• To take steps to remove the influence of money in politics.
• To end 'corporate person-hood'
   (the recent Supreme Court decision gives corporations the right to secretly give unlimited amounts of money to
         politicians and political candidates, thus drowning out the voices of millions of Americans)."
We are not anti-business. We are pro-democracy.

There has been much talk in the media about the leaderless nature of the movement, and that it does not have a focused goal.
  • The movement focuses the public's awareness on what the problems are;
  • This movement is filled with dedicated and informed people from all walks of life who
     share an ambition for a better future.
People in the movement understand the complexity of problems in government and society that require careful thought to address.

The current political system is incapable of addressing these problems because of wealthy corporate influence.

This will be a difficult and long battle because unacceptable Supreme Court decisions that:
       equated money with free speech;
       granted unlimited rights to corporations to engage in political speech.

The best way to address these issues now is by first removing Constitutional Rights of free speech from corporations.
          This means ending the concept of corporate person-hood, accomplished through a Constitutional Amendment.

We are the defenders of Democracy. We are the 99%.

---------- Post added at 08:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:57 PM ----------

The layout changes some in the sending, but you can see where it is heading, layout-wise.

---------- Post added at 08:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:01 PM ----------

There are 286 words in this edition. I like not limiting our support to the OWS, but to the more inclusive suggestion that Kay made. I put "We are not anti-business. We are pro-democracy." right after the statement of the goals. Considering the audience, I think the statement is important. I shortened the sentences some, and separated the paragraphs to highlight the points being made. love, Eliz

WHAT IT IS OCCUPY NASHVILLE?

Occupy Nashville is a citizen led movement defending Democracy against Corporate money and corruption in our government. The movement first began in New York City as Occupy Wall Street. Satellite occupations sprang up spontaneously around the nation, including Nashville.

The primary goals of Occupy Nashville are:

• To stand up for real democracy in partnership with millions of ordinary people around the globe.".
• To take steps to remove the influence of money in politics.
• To end 'corporate person-hood'
   (the recent Supreme Court decision gives corporations the right to secretly give    unlimited amounts of money to politicians and political candidates, thus drowning    out the voices of millions of Americans).
We are not anti-business. We are pro-democracy.

There has been much talk in the media about the leaderless nature of the movement, and that it does not have a focused goal.
  • The movement focuses the public's awareness on what the problems are;
  • This movement is filled with dedicated and informed people from all walks of life who
     share an ambition for a better future.
People in the movement understand the complexity of problems in government and society that require careful thought to address.

The current political system is incapable of addressing these problems because of wealthy corporate influence.

This will be a difficult and long battle because unacceptable Supreme Court decisions that:
     •  equated money with free speech,
     •  granted unlimited rights to corporations to engage in political speech.

The best way to address these issues now is by first removing Constitutional Rights of free speech from corporations.
          This means ending the concept of corporate person-hood, accomplished through a Constitutional Amendment.

We are the defenders of Democracy. We are the 99%.

[grits_girl]

May I suggest a title?

"Proclamation of the Occupation"

that phrase popped in my head while i was watching the videos from yesterdays marches

BTW the words written sound very eloquent and short and to the point

[BobT]

OK...COMMENTS PERIOD CLOSED!  FInal draft was approved at GA tonight as there was urgent need for brochure for action
tomorrow. If there are objections amendments can be proposed at GA.  Final draft posted in first post in thread.

[TNJED]

the consensus b approves.  great work y'all!!

buck